About My Dad (By Rowena Wong Toguchi)
First and foremost, on behalf of the Wong and Toguchi families, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. We are overwhelmed with grief, but your love and support bring light to our dark days; and we know with time and you by our side, brighter days will come. While I wish we could have had more time with my dad, looking at his life has brought me a lot of comfort and peace. He lived a remarkable life with so many meaningful connections and lifelong friendships. And truly, nothing else mattered more to him than that.
My dad was a man of few words. But he loved intensely through his actions. He was deeply loyal, and quietly observant. In fact, Mark and I would secretly call him Detective Wong because he was always watching and knew everything that was going on. He was knowing, but never judging. He was unbelievably patient, kind and sympathetic. He was always present. He never asked for anything and in turn dedicated his life to caring for us his family. He was one of a kind.
I’ve felt nothing but loved my entire life. I feel so lucky to have the unconditional love of my mom and dad who worked tirelessly to provide for me and brother; not just when we were young, but even until now. My dad was a provider and while he was not always able to voice his love, I never had a doubt. He loved us through his actions every day. Let me share a few of the many many stories.
As you can imagine, growing up, my dad was always the designated cook in the kitchen. When we were in elementary school, he would make lunch for us every day early in the morning. I have fond memories of spending time in the kitchen with him where he taught me how to curl my fingers and use my knuckles when chopping, he taught me how to crack walnuts for banana bread and we bought mason jars together to make jam from grapes in our backyard. I’ve been blessed my whole life with wonderful meals and up until last week, he would come and cook a weekly meal or two at our house. (A tradition that we’ve had for almost 10 years). He always wants to cook something special for us and on any given Monday or Wednesday, we would be sitting down to an elaborate Chinese meal. On weekends, we would always host parties for our extended family and back in the day, play mahjong after. Preparing meals for us was my dad’s way of showing his love. (To us and his siblings and all of my cousins.) I treasure all the times we gathered (which was often); they mean a lot to my dad and they continue to bond us together as a family unit.
My dad spoiled and pampered me, even when I was a grown adult. I lived with my parents up until I was almost 28 and I’m embarrassed to admit that they used to do my laundry. In fact, my dad would go as far as ironing my clothes. How sweet right? Except at the time, he would always iron pleats into my jeans which made it very unstylish. I remember being mad at him. “Dad, these are not dress pants, nobody irons pleats onto jeans!”, I would complain. He would smile calmly (not a bit offended), even saying proudly, “What, why wouldn’t you want pleats; do you know how hard they are to do?!” I was never able to undo those pleats. That’s just a funny example, but it is a rare for a day to go by where he hasn’t pumped my gas, get the car washed, fed me, or drove me somewhere. In fact, even to this day, he insists on driving so I can get some work done in the car.
Becoming a grandparent took my dad’s paternal instincts to another level. When Zoe was born, we moved in with my parents at their Redmond house with the intention of staying there for a customary one-month period. This is a tradition so they can help care for the newborn and also help me recover from childbirth. My dad was in superman grandpa mode: cooking meals, making special soups, and helping us with all our firsts. He would even take over Zoe’s last feeding at 1am before changing her and putting her next to me. He gave and gave every day. We often joked that he was more of a parent than we were. My dad did everything in his power to not let the kids cry and sometimes, when they did, he would cry with them. Over the last 12 years, he dedicated his time to caring for both Zoe and Kaya and marveled at every milestone. “They are growing up so fast”, he would say. And talked about having their first drink with them some day. He adored them and was so very proud to be their gong gong. His eyes always twinkled a bit brighter around his grandkids and I’m forever grateful that we were able to raise them together in their formative years.
My dad is one of the most patient people I’ve ever known. He is always calm, mild tempered and never got mad at me, no matter what I did. I really tested this one time during our family trip to Beijing China in 2004. It was a beautiful sunny day and we were walking up to the Badaling Peak of the Great Wall of China. “But Do Cheung Xing Fei Ho Hon” (Chinese). This literally translates to: “You are not a true Chinese until you’ve walked the Great Wall of China”. It was my dad’s first trip to the Great Wall, and he proudly had his 10-pound Nikon camera strapped around his neck and snapped hundreds if not thousands of pictures that day. Later that night during dinner, I was looking through the pictures and accidentally reformatted the disk and deleted every single one of those pictures. When I told him, his face turned a bit white and then said “It’s ok”. I carry so much guilt from that incident but my dad never got mad and never brought it up again.
My dad was a man of few words but no words were needed. I know he loved us with all his heart. He gave generously every day and always with a smile on his face. I will miss his knowing smile, his calming presence, his fatherly humor and just him being there with us every day as it has always been for as long as I can remember.
My dad always walked a few paces behind us. He wanted to make sure he can see all of us, that none of us are lost or in danger. When I turn around, I still expect to see him with his hands crossed behind his back, boy scout style, smiling and nodding at us. Now he will be doing this from above. He will forever be our guardian angel.
早到 (By John Man)
黃生曾经夸奖我,话，”丫哥永远唔会迟到”。这句说话给我一点的压力。所以我每次出门我都会催老婆，“快D快D,否则就会迟到啦！”。黃生，今日我无迟到。只系你早到了而已！
你突然的“早到”，实在是令到我们无比的震驚，極度的惊慌与失落，每一位家人，亲友，无不伤心欲绝，悲伤难过！痛失了一位大家都爱戴的長辈。但是你放心，你会看到我们很快就能够将这个悲伤化为一种力量，一种積極向前，面对生活挑战的力量！你会睇到你的生命在我们生活里所产生的力量！
我想起黄生曾经说过，“我媽媽很有福气，因为她在睡夢中，无病无痛离世。我也希望將来能够好像他一样”。黄生“突然的早到”，无病无痛，如愿以偿。我们以此感到安慰。
“生命影响生命”，这个时候讓我们想一下，黄生的一生究竟对我地有什么的影响！相信各人有各自的领悟。我只提出其中一样要向黄生学习的就是：誠实可靠，关心照顧亲友，喜欢热心幫助亲友。尤其热爱痛锡家人。他不会说出来，但他在生活中经常不知不觉地表现出来。我相信家人，亲友，西雅图的亲友，香港的亲友，一定可以感受到他的爱！今日就攘我们大家应承黃生，向他学习。亦教導我们的下一代。像黄生一样，热爱我们的家庭家人亲友。在生活上在行动中表现出来，不是只用言语，而是实际的行动，互相关怀互相照顾。完成满全黃生既“生命影响生命”。
香港大家姐Eliza 的襯家，朱医生，是我们的好朋友，在香港时经常与黄生约聚会飲茶吃饭閒談講笑。大家分属老友。他老人家得知黄生“早到”一事，有感而发，寫了一首詩。我就用这首诗作终结，希望诗的内容，整首诗，或者是某几句，能够引起大家的共鸣。
Uncle Henry (By Christina Lee Tarn)
Uncle Henry is my Dai Kow Fu. My mother, Suk Ling Lee’s oldest brother. Her biggest
role model. Her idol.
She would do her best to follow his recipes to cook us traditional Chinese meals and
healing Chinese soups. One day, while making soup, she would tell my husband, Jason,
what different kinds of soups were good for, whether to help give you more energy or
heal a sickness.
When he asked what data supports her reasonings (for those who know Jason, it’s a
typical question), her answer was, “My big brother told me. I do whatever he does, so
ask him”. It drove him crazy, but it was the end of that conversation. But that’s how
much she adored and confided in him.
Uncle Henry was an observer with a presence that was calm and quiet. But with a little
bit of whiskey, he was the life of the party and starts speaking in fluent English. If you
were lucky, you got to see him karaoke!
He was a good balance to Auntie Peggy’s outgoing energy. His love for his family runs
deep. Just seeing what amazing, generous and kind people, Billy and Rowena have
become, especially when it comes to being the rock for their families, both Uncle Henry
and Aunt Peggy should be so proud! He was a selfless, hands-on grandpa who adored
all of his grandchildren, went out of his way to take care of them and loved spending
time with them until the very end.
His life was taken away too sudden and too soon, but he lived a full life surrounded by
family and friends. There are so many memorable moments shared by all his loved ones
that will live on forever with us. It was recently, he became a model for an REI ad
campaign and a handful of other TV commercials. He was just getting started with his
acting and modelling career. He finally put his good looks to work in his late sixties, early
seventies.
I will never forget one thing he recently told me. He said, if my dad was still here, he
would be so proud of me. Coming from a man with a few words, that meant the world to
me.
Love you forever,
Christina Lee Tarn
悼念
By Choe Cheu Yen
月淡星稀迷漫天，
流星殞落入川田。
人生自有三生約，
世上更無不老緣。
婦隨夫唱情真摯，
再續情緣已斷弦。
A Tribute to Henry Wong (from John & Sally Ip)
Henry lived a long and fruitful life and spent much quality time with all
of you for many years and while he will be sorely missed, he will forever be near to you and in
your thoughts even though he is unseen and unheard.
For our part, let me first tell you how Henry came into our lives. In or around 1970, when I
first planned to open a Kowloon branch of my law firm, Henry and some other clerks were
introduced by KK Yeung to join my start-up office in Kowloon. My office was loosely formed
and organized and operated in an informal and friendly but practical manner
Not long after my Kowloon branch was set up, Henry showed that he was responsible, reliable
loyal and trustworthy which were qualities not usually found in other staff-members. Although
he tended to work at a slower speed (“chu-yau”), he was always patient, careful and diligent in
his tasks. After KK Yeung departed, Henry was put in charge of and took over the duties of
keeping and monitoring the accounts of the firm and general supervision of the cases of our
clients as well as interviews with our clients, which were capably handled by him.
Besides being kind and generous, Henry was polite and obliging to his colleagues and our
clients and was well liked and respected by them. Throughout, he was the bedrock of my
Kowloon branch and due to his management skills and efforts, the business of my Kowloon
branch in the 1970s and 1980s was profitable and rewarding. Needless to say, Henry was a
great asset to my firm and when for personal reasons, he and Peggy decided to emigrate to
Canada for greener pastures, he left a large void in the Kowloon office that could not be filled.
Apart from his personal qualities, Henry and your family were close family friends of us and
our family and we spent many happy times together (in mah-jong games and other social
activities) and have always kept in close contact.
I recall that in the mid-1970s, we together with the staffs of my Hong Kong and Kowloon offices numbering over 12 persons including Henry, Micky Siu, Eddie Sit and KK Yeung took a week-end trip to Macau for a big celebration. After making the rounds of the casinos, we partied in a restaurant in an Hotel there and ordered and drank the whole stock of 20-odd bottles of rose wine by the name of "Mateus-Rose". Most of us wound up quite drunk but everyone enjoyed the outing and on the return ferry trip to Hong Kong (taking about 3 hours) we even played mah-jong and card games. The camaraderie was truly memorable.
It was our privilege to have had Henry as a trusted, dear and good friend who will always be missed but will be remembered in our hearts and minds. We pray that he will have a happy, peaceful and
eternal rest in another world.
John and Sally Ip and family
